Hard Truths About Yourself That'll Make You Mad

This is going to sting like a shot of whiskey on an empty stomach.

Repeat after me:

It all starts with me.

I am the problem.

It's all my fault.

Oof.

I first heard this on an episode of the Trent Shelton Podcast—and I thought, "that's harsh Trent…" until it slowly rolled over me and I breathed it in. Omg he's right. I am the problem.

I'm sharing these words with you today, my busy, overwhelmed, under-nourished mom running from video meetings to baseball practices to Whole Foods, muttering, "Where are all the fu*cking eggs?"

I see you. 👀

I see you in that "stressed-out-but-this-is-totally-normal-for-me-so-I-don't-even-realize-it" state.

Running on empty is the hot new fitness trend and giving everything to everyone else while telling ourselves we have no time for self-care is the only mantra we’ve got locked in. This mantra is our Alo armor, keeping anything else from seeping in—especially the truth.

In our minds, it doesn't start with us; it starts with kids who don't listen.

We're not the problem—they are! (Pointing to everyone we share space with, especially those who create traffic jams because they're THE WORST!)

And nothing is our fault—it's theirs! (Again, pointing to everyone else.)

We believe our beliefs. We believe life is just this way. If we could change it, of course, we would. But we can't because no one behaves properly. So we end up doing everything while slowly fading into the ether like a 70s Polaroid picture.

But this isn't about blame—it's about power. You either possess it, or you've handed it over to someone else. And here's a hot tip: nobody wants your power. They have their own that they’re divvying up and handing out.

We're all just passing power around like hors d'oeuvres at a cocktail party.

Here’s the bright side: If I’m the problem, then doesn’t that also make me the solution? I don't have to wait for my job to suck less, my spouse to read my mind, or my kids to develop an off switch before I feel good.

We don’t have to wait for external validation to be happy...once I lose weight...once my boss chills out...once Mercury stops moonwalking in retrograde... we instead create it for ourselves.

That’s what these hard truths help us to do: we take ownership.

The real reasons we're often stuck aren't just about time or circumstances or lazy children monsters who refuse to do what we ask. They're about beliefs—and the habits those beliefs create.

Here's what might really be going on behind the scenes:

1️⃣ You feel like you have to prove your worth through sacrifice. If you're not constantly giving, are you still valuable? (Um yes. You are.) But the habit of putting yourself last runs deep.

2️⃣ You don't love yourself enough to make yourself a priority. That stings, I know. But if you did, would you still be at the bottom of your own to-do list? You've built a habit of self-neglect, and it feels normal.

3️⃣ You're afraid to rock the boat of mediocrity. It's easier to stay in the routine—exhausted but familiar—than to disrupt the status quo. That habit of settling? It keeps you stuck.

4️⃣ You believe your circumstances control you. If only your kids were more independent, your boss more reasonable, your partner more supportive... THEN you’d have time for that lavender bubble bath.

Wrong.

Tough love moment: Your life is what it is because of the choices YOU make within it. Not because of your kids, your spouse, your job, or the universe conspiring against you. It's because, somewhere along the way, you handed over the power to shape your own life and built routines that reinforce that powerlessness.

But here's the good news: Awareness is everything. Once you see it, you can change it. Once you let go of the belief that "this is just how it is" and disrupt the habits that keep you stuck, you can grow beyond them.

So ask yourself: What if I'm wrong? What if I do have the time? What if I can choose differently and think differently? Keep asking bigger and bolder "what ifs..." until you get to a new thought and you begin to feel a slight and subtle release of old energy.

That's when everything can begin to change.

Tell me, how does it feel to say to yourself, "I am the problem"?

I hope you enjoyed this (Tough) Love Letter ❤️. During March I’ll be sharing ways to gently uncover and shift your thoughts to relieve the stagnancy they cause, and help you feel excited to create enjoyable endeavors in your life!