The Left Turn

An experiment in choosing me

I took a left turn the other day.

It resulted in an immediate conversation.

Why would you go this way??? Now we’re going backwards. We came from that way, then you went this way, and now you turned when you should have gone straight.

I am a logistics nightmare to some people!

But I didn’t want to go straight—straight meant a curvy road, all that accelerating and braking. I wasn’t in the mood.

So I took the left turn, and do you know what the most ridiculous thing about it was? Half a mile before taking that left turn, I started questioning if I felt like dealing with the inevitable conversation it would kick up.

I knew I would have to explain my selfish left turn.

I considered sucking it up and going the more sensible way, just to avoid upsetting the other person in the car. I really did.

I have these mental conversations a lot.

Do I want to interject with my honest opinion, or is it just easier to “go with the flow” even if the flow isn’t my type of cocktail?

My mom has always gone with the flow, and yes, it made life a whole lot easier for her. It made moving from New York to Chicago to Cleveland and back to New York for my dad’s work easier for everyone.

Also, being the youngest of four, going with the flow was my job. I didn’t have to make a lot of decisions growing up—and the ones I did make? Let’s just say I made a lot of mistakes, leading me to question my ability to do life as well as others.

All the questioning and uncertainty around my decisions made me quiet. Made me stop choosing myself—overriding my inclinations in favor of others. Do that long enough and you start losing yourself.

So, making that left turn was more than a left turn. It was a signal to my inner self that I hear you, you have a voice, you have a say, and I’m sorry I forgot that.

It's a small thing. A left turn. A "no thanks" when yes would've been smoother. The order you didn't really want. But there's always a moment, right before you override yourself, where you can feel it happening. Catch it once, and you start to realize how often you've been talking yourself out of you. Do that enough times, and you begin to change on a deeper level.

Until next week, my “make the left turn” friend!

❤️
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